


waking up / slowing down

by Trustmeimahealer



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Recreational Drug Use, they get high lmao, they're soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23950912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trustmeimahealer/pseuds/Trustmeimahealer
Summary: “Look, I forget how new this shit is to you. Maybe you should stick to the wine.” Dinah’s voice is soft but the edge of humour to it makes Helena’s skin prickle with irritation.“Don’t make out like I can’t handle it.” Helena’s voice strains in the effort not to lose her temper so quickly, the heat in her face only intensifying.Dinah raises an eyebrow at her with another one of those knowing smiles, before ducking her head to lick the top of the paper, Helena watches with rapt attention. “I know you can handle it, baby.”Helena sputters, unable to find a reply, unable to do anything really but look at Dinah with wide eyes and pink cheeks, mouth open.//or Dinah gets Helena high and Helena has a great time
Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance
Comments: 14
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

Helena’s family were one of the first to bring meth to Gotham. Her uncle would tell her proudly while recounting the Bertinelli legacy to her and Pino while they were much too young to even guess what meth even is, but the memory of the pride in his eyes as he says it sticks in Helena’s mind long after. 

Her father, strong and warm, hushes her uncle with characteristic protectiveness. Not a topic for young ears, he insists, Helena can’t remember his exact words but the twinge of curiosity she felt then, some part of her history she wasn’t supposed to know about, it itched her for years. 

It turns out that the Bertineli family had been somewhat of a giant when it came to Gothams recreational drug scene, Helena had learned as she studied her family all those years waiting for revenge. But for those years drugs were abstract to her, a product to sell or buy or move, her caretakers had only referred to drugs as a source of income. Helena wasn’t entirely sure what the difference was between them, the names seemed to be used interchangeably. They came in different forms, some could be smoked, some injected, Helena thinks she remembers someone sniffing something white and painful looking in the private booth of a strip club whilst she was scoping out a man she was about to kill. 

There was never much appeal in it to her, from what she could tell drugs made you stupid, vulnerable, out of control. They were for people who had more time and less weight on their shoulders, Helena wasn’t in a position to let her guard down like that, not ever. 

That being said, circumstances had changed. 

In what felt like the flash of an eye Helena became part of a team for the first time in her life, the burden of revenge was lifted and she found herself somehow safe and surrounded by people who had her back. 

And now, sitting in Dinah’s cosy apartment huddled into a circle, Renee reclining back in the armchair with her 5th whiskey of the evening, Dinah and Helena huddled up together on the couch, just a little closer than necessary shoulders brushing together each time one of them move, sharing a very nice bottle of red wine between them. It wasn’t the first time the three of them had ended up like this after a mission, taking down Gotham’s very worst low lives could be a very tasking effort, they deserved a bit of time to drink and chat shit at the end. 

At least that’s what Dinah and Renee always say, for Helena her post mission rituals had usually amounted to a cold bath and the slow painful task of stitching herself back up. These days there was hardly any stitching, the way they fought together meant it was rare for anyone to get close enough to do any real damage to them. It’s kind of like a superpower, Helena thinks, to have two extra pairs of eyes, hands, legs, two extra minds working toward the same goal. No wonder Batman always seems to be picking up Robins. 

Helena takes a lengthy sip of her wine and glances at Dinah, thinks of the two of them fighting together that evening, Dinah was always electrifying in a fight, there was a precision to her movements that Helena couldn’t help but envy. Sometimes it felt like the two of them were the same person when they were right in it, that night Helena swears she felt each of Dinah’s moves before she made them, their training made them fluid in motion, it felt … powerful. 

If Helena were being perfectly honest she thinks she wants to fight next to Dinah for as long as she can fight, but if she says that now then Renee will laugh and Dinah will look at her with those wide disbelieving eyes that always make her blush. 

Dinah catches Helena looking at her with a wry smile and Helena blushes anyway, quickly looking anywhere else. Dinah doesn’t say anything but she lets her hand rest on Helena’s knee as she turns to Renee and Helena freezes. 

“Hey Montoya, you mind if I smoke up?” Dinah asks, and Helena doesn’t even register what she means, just focuses on the casual way Dinah’s fingers rest on her leg, staring at the hand and willing herself not to move. 

“So long as you’re sharing Canary.” Renee grins, the smile in her voice enough to draw Helena’s attention away from Dinah’s hand. “Although I’ll warn you it’s been years.”

Dinah laughs and in the movement squeezes Helena’s knee. “I don’t know how you managed that cop thing man.”

Renee rolls her eyes and downs the rest of her whiskey. “I was just a chump who thought I could make a difference.” 

“I don’t know whether the drink makes her better or worse.” Helena says, just to make Dinah laugh and she does, turns to look at Helena with sparkly dark eyes. 

“Hey! We’ll have none of that Bertinelli. I saved your asses tonight.” Renee snaps but her eyes are about as warm as they get and she shrugs. “I deserve a damn smoke.” 

Dinah grins back at her, finally releasing Helena’s knee from her hand and moving to get up. Helena definitely  _ doesn’t  _ miss the contact. 

Dinah makes her way to the other side of the room, opening the drawer of a crammed bookcase and taking a painted wooden box, adorned with swirling patterns in psychedelic shapes. The pieces fit together for Helena all at once as she eyes widen. “Oh you mean weed?” 

Dinah laughs and sets the box down on the coffee table, kneeling on the floor to inspect its contents. “If I wanted a cigarette I’d just have a cigarette. I had to ask Renee just in case she’s planning on rejoining the force any time soon.” Dinah’s face changes a little as she reads Helena’s confusion. “Why do you mind?” 

“Oh, no of course not.” Helena is quick to reassure, trying her best to seem nonchalant as she leans back on the sofa. “Just don’t really know how it works.” 

Dinah looks at her with that warm expression that always brings heat to Helena’s cheeks, tilting her head as if she’s trying to suss her out. “Do you wanna try some? It’s ok if not, but I think you’ll like it.” 

Helena leans forwards, resting her head in her hands curiously as she peaks inside the box. The weed was in big yellowish green clumps, held together in a see through baggie with a picture of a grinning yellow cartoon character on the front, Helena can’t remember the name, Spongeman? 

Dinah is taking a paper and smoothing it out with her fingers, the movement is a little mesmerising and Helena finds herself, oddly fixated on Dinah’s hands for a second time and she doesn’t know if its because of the fighting or the wine. “Is it nice?” 

Dinah’s smile, if it were possible, gets even wider at the question, putting down the papers to extract a loose bud from the bag and placing it in a contraption Helena honestly cannot name. “It’s relaxing, like wine. No headache in the morning though.” 

“But I’ve already drank the wine.” Helena says, unthinkingly, in response even as her eyes fix on Dinah’s hands, twisting the contraption back and forth, the tendons under the skin straining with the effort. “What’s that thing?” 

“It’s a grinder.” Dinah stops twisting it and opens the lid so Helena can peak inside to see that the weed has been ground up to fine pieces, the smell hits Helena full force, tickling her nose with its strength, she can’t help but screw her face up. Dinah laughs and sets the grinder down, setting about emptying its powdery green contents into the paper. “Makes it easier to roll.” 

“Ah.” Helena continues to watch Dinah roll the paper together with dexterous fingers, but she’s been staring at Dinah’s hands for a while and she can feel the warmth of her wide amused smile, looking right back at Helena with that distractingly pretty face. 

“Look, I forget how new this shit is to you. Maybe you should stick to the wine.” Dinah’s voice is soft but the edge of humour to it makes Helena’s skin prickle with irritation. 

“Don’t make out like I can’t handle it.” Helena’s voice strains in the effort not to lose her temper so quickly, the heat in her face only intensifying. 

Dinah raises an eyebrow at her with another one of those knowing smiles, before ducking her head to lick the top of the paper, Helena watches with rapt attention. “I know you can handle it, baby.” 

Helena sputters, unable to find a reply, unable to do anything really but look at Dinah with wide eyes and pink cheeks, mouth open. 

Dinah smiles sweetly. “I just don’t want you to feel pressured into anything is all.” 

“How chivalrous.” Renee interrupts, dry as ever, filling up her glass disinterestedly. “Now stop flirting and roll the damn joint.” 

Helena, if it were possible, feels her cheeks heat up even more. That wasn’t flirting was it?

Dinah laughs and finishes rolling, tucking the paper inside of itself with a twist of her wrist. 

“Ok, ok I’m nearly done.” Dinah mutters with a roll of her eyes and Helena wishes Dinah would argue back, but the suggestion rolls off Dinah’s back without comment, she merely inspects the now rolled joint in her hands with a focused expression and Helena finds herself once again entranced by the delicate way in which Dinah’s fingers smooth out the paper. Dinah turns to Renee with a grin. “Oh this is a good one.” 

Dinah lifts the joint to her lips, spinning the lighter between her fingers with a flourish of glee in those warm brown eyes. The flame casts her face in pure gold for a second, Helena can’t help but notice the way the gold in Dinah’s eyeshadow shimmers in the light. 

Just as quickly, Dinah’s face shifts as she inhales, eyes closing, all tension evaporating from her features as she exhales a plume of thick white smoke. 

Dinah opens her eyes and looks at Helena with a lazy smile, and Helena realises she really had been doing a lot of staring. She usually avoids eye contact like the plague. Used to at least. 

Dinah takes another smoke from the joint, shorter this time and passes it to Renee, who accepts it with an excited grin. “Oh boy am I ready for this.” 

“Its good shit.” Dinah says, shuffling around the table so that she can get up on the sofa to sit back next to Helena, closer than before. Helena can feel their arms brush against each other, that magnetic balance of cool skin and the radiating warmth of body heat, right up against her side. Helena holds her breath without even thinking about it. 

“Is it like it is in the movies?” Helena asks, and she sounds innocent even to her own ears, she cringes at herself and runs an anxious hand through her hair. “I just mean like, will I get all sleepy and stupid.” 

Dinah smiles without even a hint of judgement and it reassures Helena just a little. “It depends, honestly, your first time is always different to the times after.” 

“When did you do it first?” Dinah looks at her a moment, the tiniest of smiles on her lips as she seems to be staring right into Helena’s soul. Its a bit intense, especially from Dinah, Helena isn’t used to it, she can’t shake the feeling that Dinah knows something she doesn’t. 

“I was 18.” Dinah’s reply is distant, caught up in a memory, she looks away from Helena and leans back into the sofa a little, so they aren’t quite so close. Helena doesn’t know why it feels like a loss. “Some boy I went to high school with offered me some at a party.” 

Renee coughs, and their attention is diverted to her, at some point while she was smoking she had downed her whisky and she was now practically melted into the armchair smiling happily, with heavy lidded eyes that looked closer to closing with each long blink. “That is exceptional stuff Canary.” 

Renee passes the now extinguished joint to Dinah, who takes a moment to relight it, taking a deep inhale from it as she does so. Dinah turns to Helena before she exhales, being so close, the smoke floods up into Helena’s face in a way which feels both exhilarating and vaguely unpleasant. 

“You ready to try?” Dinah asks, her voice just a fraction huskier from the smoking and Helena can do nothing to stop herself from nodding dumbly in response. 

Dinah smiles and passes the joint, their fingers touch for just a moment, linger just a second too long and Helena has the strange impulse to just hold Dinah’s hand instead. But the moment passes and Helena takes the joint with a careful curiosity, Dinah is smiling at her encouragingly, she takes a puff from it, lets the smoke flood into her lungs, hot and scratchy. 

The urge to cough is overwhelming; she had smoked cigarettes before (even shared some of Luca’s cigars as he would teach her battle tactics and the best way to disembowel a man with nothing but a rusty spoon) but this is a different type of smoke, earthy and thick, her lungs fight to expel it. But Helena is tough, she remembers Luca’s advice when she first tried his cigar,  _ relax _ . 

She breathes out a little too quickly, but Dinah looks at her with those warm sparkly eyes and a wide smile. “That was impressive Bertinelli, you took a big one there. Are you sure you haven’t smoked before?” 

Helena smiles bashfully at the compliment but quickly shrugs it off. “I smoked a few cigarettes when I was a teenager.” Her voice sounds hoarse to her, and with a trickling sensation running up from her legs, she feels her entire body begin to sag a little. She tries again, eager to impress more, takes a deep inhale from it, the smoke goes down easier this time and Helena holds it a few seconds just as she had seen Dinah do. 

It’s kind of cool, watching the smoke dissipate into the air in thick clouds as she breathes out. She takes another puff too quickly and it tickles a cough from the back of her throat, bubbling up before she has a chance to regulate her breath. She blushes in embarrassment, passing the joint back to Dinah so she can take a sizable gulp of wine. 

Dinah chuckles and Helena feels a wave of warmth pass over her, the whole scene becoming fuzzier. She feels hyper aware of the fabric of the blanket draped over the sofa behind her tickling her back between where her crop top ends and her pants begin, her skin feels a strange confusion of numb and sensitive and her heart beats with an erratic thunder she can’t ignore. 

“Oh look.” Dinah is looking at Renee, who is now completely slumped against the armchair, head bowed, eyes closed, Helena can just about hear a faint snore as she breathes. Dinah turns back to her and grins, Helena finds herself grinning back. “Think Montoya’s had enough.” 

Dinah sets the joint down on the table and turns her body fully toward Helena, and in the haze of new feeling, Helena can’t help but lean in close to her, the softest of smiles on her lips. This close, she can smell Dinah’s perfume through the smell of the weed and the combination is oddly appealing, Helena finds herself wanting to surround herself in it. 

“How’s it going?” Dinah says, barely above a whisper, and Helena blinks as she tries to scrape a coherent thought together. 

“My chest feels really light.” The words tumble out and Helena realises that they’re true, her whole body feels like it’s about to float away, the thought panics her a little, she reaches out for Dinah’s hand instinctively, her fingers reaching out to just barely tap against Dinah’s own. “And my mouth feels funny.” 

Dinah laughs softly, welcoming Helena’s touch, taking her hand and entwining their fingers loosely. Helena looks down, her face flushing once more . “Is that so?” Dinah gives her that knowing grin again and looks away toward the kitchen. “You wanna drink some soda?” 

Helena had always thought soda was utterly pointless, too sugary, too fizzy, not the drink of choice for an international assassin, but just as Dinah mentions it, her eyes go wide in sheer joy. “Oh my god that sounds amazing.” 

When Dinah gets up to go to the kitchen she drags Helena up with her, their hands still linked together. They reach the fridge and Dinah lets her of her hand to open it, and pass her an ice cold can of coke, before getting one for herself. 

Helena takes a sip of it, it tastes better than anything she’d had before, had she been depriving herself of this? She takes a gulp, too fast, it fizzes up in her face as she knocks the can back, going right up her nose and soaking her crop top with a an icy shock. 

Dinah looks at her a second, taking a moment to figure out what had happened, she leans back, bracing herself on Helena’s shoulder and  _ cackles  _ like Helena’s never heard her laugh before. Helena should be embarrassed, she knows, should be furious that Dinah can dare to laugh at her. 

But Dinah’s laugh is infectious, the whole situation is just too silly, Helena doesn’t know why it’s so funny but a giggle bubbles out of her unbidden. 

Helena really should be mortified, she did not giggle  _ not ever  _ but Dinah lets out a squeak in delight and laughs harder, her face going red as she gasps for breath. 

Helena literally cannot stop giggling, her whole body seems possessed by it, she can’t even remember why she started laughing in the first place. 

“Shh, Montoya’s sleeping.” Dinah hisses out between laughter, putting her finger over her lips with wide exaggerated eyes. 

Helena tries to stop herself from laughing, tenses up her stomach and holds her breath, but the attempt only results in a loud choked guffaw that would send her cheeks pink if they weren’t already beet red. 

Dinah grins at her, shaking her head, Helena is practically bent double laughing more than she has since she was a young child, completely unable to stop. 

The next thing Helena knows, Dinah’s hands are cupping her cheeks, cool and firm as they bring Helena’s face close to hers. “Shh!”

Helena stops laughing, finally as she registers their closeness, surprise wiping her brain clear of anything other than the suddenly alarming thought,  _ Is Dinah going to kiss her _ ? 

Helena doesn’t say anything, her mind swirling with a million different thoughts and Dinah looking at her so prettily and it feels so surreal that Helena is worried if she moves she might burst whatever strange moment they seem to have stumbled into.

Dinah is still standing so close and Helena wants to lean in, she almost does, swaying closer to Dinah so that their foreheads almost touch. “That did the trick.” Dinah’s voice is barely above a whisper, and her eyes are so dark this close, but Helena can see the striations of honied brown in the light of the kitchen. Helena licks her lips subconsciously, she takes a deep breath and almost closes the gap and, 

“ _ HIC”  _ Helena hiccups, her whole body jumping with the movement, Dinah grins and pushes Helena away playfully. 

Helena wants to scream, wants to say anything that might get Dinah back to where she was, but the moment is broken and all she can do is smile sheepishly as another squeak of a hiccup slips out. “Fucking soda.” Helena all but growls. 

Dinah just laughs easily as if nothing had even happened and Helena immediately finds herself wondering if perhaps she dreamt the whole thing as it happened. “You’re the angriest hiccuper I’ve ever seen.” 

“It's not funny!  _ HIC  _ “ This only seems to make Dinah more amused, she raises an eyebrow at her with a smirk and shakes her head in a way that makes Helena feel both patronised and cared for at the same time. She stays stock still as Dinah turns to leave the kitchen, watches her turn with a sly wink and feels her heart stutter in response 

“Come on then Huntress.” There’s levity to her tone but Helena can’t help but tense a little at the way Dinah drags out the “s” on her alter ego’s name in a sultry drawl. “Do you wanna listen to some music?” 

Helena nods dumbly and follows Dinah out the kitchen. “What about Renee?” She whispers, noting that the older woman had not moved from her slumped position sleeping on the armchair. 

Dinah shrugs. “Oh let her rest, we’ll go to my room.” She picks up the box on the coffee table along with the half smoked joint and Helena can do nothing but follow dumbly along, heart hammering in her chest. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They smoke some more and Helena gets deep

Once in the room, Dinah throws herself down on the bed, starfished on it and Helena stands awkwardly, unsure where to sit. There’s a desk with a chair by the window, but there’s about ten leather jackets piled on top of it and Helena doesn’t want to just presume she can move them. Then again, the idea of simply joining Dinah on the bed is unthinkable, Helena has never even been in the bedroom of another person she wasn’t about to kill. Thoughts swirl around in her mind, she wasn’t great at social cues that the best of times, but this fog in her mind was making it more difficult still. 

Dinah sits up and looks at her with that lazy, gentle smile that makes Helena that now familiar mixture of warm and embarrassed. “You gonna sit with me?” 

Helena can do nothing but yet another dumb nod, but she doesn’t have time to berate herself because Dinah is reaching out for Helena’s wrist and giving her a firm playful tug down onto the bed. Helena lets herself fall, relaxing into Dinah’s ridiculously soft sheets, Dinah reaches for a remote on the bedside table and the sound of mellow guitars fills the quiet of the room. Helena doesn’t recognise the song, she never does, but it sounds a little familiar once she hears the voice, Dinah plays him a lot, for some reason she thinks his name has something to do with the sea. 

I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me

Helena sinks into the bed and lets the music wash over her, feeling more relaxed than she has in years, maybe ever. She had forgotten it was possible to feel such a way, like floating on air.

“Your bed is a cloud.” 

Helena doesn’t even realise that she had spoken out loud until she hears Dinah laugh, she rolls over and sees that Dinah’s already lighting up the joint from before, she sits up on her elbows and grins, feeling a wave of giddiness overcoming her earlier confusion. “It’s like a cumulonimbus.” 

Dinah raises a brow, eyes still sparkling in amusement. “Isn’t that something from Harry Potter?’ 

Helena frowns. “It’s a type of cloud.” She throws her hands out as she explains, unusually animated. “They’re big and fluffy and they hold a lot of rain.” 

Dinah nods along sagely, hiding her smirk as she smokes, but Helena can tell she’s being humoured, Dinah has that same looks in her eyes she had whenever Helena was about to be called a dork. 

“I can’t believe you’re such a dork.” Bingo, Helena can’t even be offended, Dinah leans closer and offers her another smoke. “No way that was part of assassin school.” 

Helena shrugs and tries another smoke, its a little easier now she’s relaxed, the urge to cough not quite so strong. She exhales smoothly and fixes Dinah with her most serious expression. “Climatology is a basic survival skill, Dinah, like telling the time. “ 

Dinah scoffs disbelievingly. “How?” 

Helena can’t help her smile from slipping out as she talks. “I can’t be giving away assassin secrets!” 

Dinah grins. “Are you fucking with me right now Bertinelli?” 

Helena shakes her head with a wide unapologetic smile. “Its a big deal, I’m sorry but I can’t tell you.” 

Dinah barks out a laugh and takes the joint back after Helena has had another few smokes from it, reaching out to ash it on a tray on the bedside table. Helena looks at the movement of her wrist as she flicks it, notices the way the tendons move even in the dim light of the bedroom. 

“Fine, don’t tell me why you know about clouds.” Dinah sighs, looks at Helena like she’s searching for something. “I just think its sweet.” 

Helena laughs lightly, resisting the urge to squirm under the attention. “Identifying clouds is sweet?” 

Dinah takes a smoke and smiles blissfully. “You are.” 

Helena’s smile falters, trying to piece together what Dinah means, what it means for them to be having this conversation on Dinah’s bed sitting so close that if Helena shifts her hand even a little, they would be touching. “I’m not sure many people would agree with you there.” 

Dinah shugs. “I think anyone who really knows you would.” 

Helena stays quiet a moment, looking at the ceiling and there’s some sober self conscious part of her mind screaming at her not to ruin the moment, but there’s something about how sure Dinah sounds. Something about the way Dinah wants to know, something open and trusting and Helena doesn’t want to hide from it, not right now at least. 

“My father took us cloud watching when I was young.” Helena doesn’t look at Dinah, but can sense her tensing in her periphery. “We’d go for a picnic on a saturday and in the afternoon we’d sit on the hill and he’d point out the shapes and he told me what they were. For my 8th birthday he bought me a big book about them, with pictures and diagrams and I loved it.” 

Dinah looks at her so intently, with big emotional eyes that force Helena to look back at her, she wonders if Dinah is about to cry and it is only with that thought that Helena realises there are tears running down her own cheeks. She reaches up to rub the tears from her eyes frantically, but its no use, Dinah has seen them and Helena feels an uncomfortable twist of embarrassment in her stomach. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” Helena starts but her voice is hoarse and Dinah cuts her off, grabbing her hands and holding them tightly. 

“No don’t be sorry. That was a beautiful memory, thank you for sharing it.” Dinah reaches down to press the most gentle of kisses to Helena’s knuckles. “He sounds different to what I thought he’d be like.”

Helena lets out wet sounding half laugh, and Dinah smiles encouragingly in response. “Did you think he’d be like the Godfather?” 

“Maybe not full on, but I figured he’d be all stern and business only, not picnics and cloud gazing.” 

Helena shrugs. “He could be like that sometimes, but mostly what i remember was that he was just really really smart, I thought he knew everything in the whole world when I was a kid.” She looks away, back to the ceiling as she thinks back. “Honestly I can’t put together the man I knew with what I know now about what the Bertinellis were doing. How did the same guy who read me bedtime stories go from that house and order for people to be tortured in front of their families? He was a monster to so many people, it’s a … What does Harley call it? A mindfuck.” 

Dinah nods thoughtfully. “It is.” There’s no question to her tone, just that same knowing warmth that makes Helena look back at her, cast in dim golden light Dinah looks almost angelic like this, a picture of serenity that calms her in spite of everything. “Everyone has that to some extent as they grow up, realising their parents have flaws, usually you get to shout things out with them in the process though. Its natural you’d feel conflicted, especially when you do what you do now, but we can’t reconcile the actions of our parents when they aren’t here. All we can do is talk it out with people we trust.” 

Helena makes her best attempt at a smile, a little of the weight on her chest lifted for now, it felt odd to admit these things, the thoughts that sometimes wrecked her with self doubt, the thoughts that would usually send her recklessly into battle, or more recently, punching a bag until her knuckles were bleeding and the pulse of adrenaline blurs out the mess of her brain. But now, talking to Dinah felt natural in a way that it had never been before, there was no fear of rebuttal or accusation of weakness, just that same open acceptance with which Dinah treated almost everything Helena said. It’s with a rush of warmth that Helena realises yes, she does trust Dinah and the uncomfortable twist of embarrassment eases, there's no judgment with Dinah and the knowledge of that soothes like nothing Helena has ever known. 

Helena leans forward until her head is resting on Dinah’s shoulder, not moving her hands from where they are clasped together, just falling into her like it’s the only thing she could possibly do. Dinah lets go of her hands and pulls Helena in close, lets her hide her face in the crook of her neck as she lets out a long shuddering sigh. “I didn’t mean to get so deep.” 

Dinah reaches up to smooth Helena’s hair with her fingers in a soothing motion, if it were possible, Helena sinks further into her in response. “Sometimes weed can make you reflective.” Her voice is warm and Helena can hear the smile in the words. “But we can talk about this stuff whenever you need Helena. I get why you don’t want to a lot of the time, but you can always talk to me.” 

Helena pulls back to look at Dinah properly, she feels a little embarrassed still, but the swell of affection in her chest far overpowers everything else. “You could have warned me I’d get all soft.” 

Dinah grins and shakes her head . “That’s just you.” She reaches out, cups Helena’s face with a gentle reverence that Helena can barely remember feeling before, her fingers stroking across her cheek over the tracks of spent tears. “When you want to be.” 

Dinah’s voice is quiet, almost distracted as she looks at Helena with a studious intent, part of Helena wants to run away from the attention, Dinah is so close and is looking at her like she knows. But Dinah brings such a calmness to her, the touch of her hand against her face so soothing, she leans into it instead, almost nuzzling into the touch, letting her lips brush against Dinah’s palm. 

“It’s only with you.” The words are so honest, they surprise even Helena as they leave her mouth. 

Dinah raises an eyebrow. “Why is that?” 

Helena can’t even begin to answer that question, the words impossible to make out from her clouded thoughts. But Dinah is looking at her so expectantly that the only thing she can think to do is to lean forward and press their lips together in a tentative kiss. 

Dinah doesn’t respond immediately, and Helena is just about to pull away, a frantic apology ready to spill out, when Dinah pulls her even closer and returns the kiss with a sure tenderness that sends Helena’s mind blank. 

Dinah’s hand moves from the side of her face to knot her fingers in Helena’s hair, her lips so soft against her own that it knocks the wind from Helena’s chest. But all too soon, Dinah is pulling away and there’s a sudden terrifying thought that this might be the only time this happens, that Helena might have done something terribly wrong. 

“I’m sorry.” Is the first thing Helena says, and it's not the right thing, not even close, and Dinah’s frown lets her know it immediately. 

“What for?” Dinah sounds warm still, but there's an edge of uncertainty to her tone. They’re still sitting so close, Dinah’s hand still threaded through her hair and Helena finds that the kiss did nothing but fog her mind even more. She glances down at those full, soft lips and begs her brain to focus long enough to reassure her.

“I’m not very good at this.” The words come out like a confession, and the flush that heats Helena’s cheeks doesn’t ease when Dinah looks at her. “I shouldn't have just… I should have asked.” 

Dinah tilts her head with an endeared smile. “It’s ok, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while if I’m honest.” She leans in again so that their lips just barely brush, a shadow of a kiss that pulls away the second Helena leans into it. “And for the record you are more than good at this.” 

Helena can’t help the returning blush that heats her cheeks at the praise, or the lightness that blooms in her chest , she loops her arms around Dinah’s waist to bring her closer still. “You’re good too.” There’s still a smile on her lips when she leans in to kiss Dinah again, but it doesn’t matter because Dinah is smiling too and everything feels so dreamlike and perfect, to be so close to someone, to feel so safe that Helena can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed. 

Helena sits up a little, pulling Dinah into her lap with ease, fingers fanned across her ribs in an attempt to touch as much as possible. The small coherent part of her brain that Dinah kisses how she fights, all passion and precision, firm hands knotted in Helena’s hair matching Helena’s movement’s without a seconds hesitation. Then, Dinah is biting on Helena’s bottom lip and Helena can’t think of anything at all but grasping Dinah’s hips with bruising fingers. 

Dinah’s tongue soothes the sting of the bite and the feeling causes Helena to groan despite herself. The sound is enough for Dinah to pull pack a little, breaking the kiss but still so close that all Helena can see is her flushed face, her dark eyes, pupils blown staring right back with her with a look Helena can only describe as hunger. 

“Is this ok?” Dinah’s voice is calm, but Helena knows her well enough to note the slight tremble to it and the idea that she’s knocked Dinah off kilter sends a thrill of pride down her spine. 

Helena doesn’t realise how much she’s panting until she tries to answer, her mind and body feel oddly disconnected, her concentration floating between the two. “It’s very ok, but I’m very high.” 

Dinah laughs softly, moves a hand to caress Helena’s face in a motion that can only be described as tender. “You did smoke quite a bit there, it’s probably a good idea to put the breaks on this.” 

Helena makes a little whine of disappointment, tipping her head back and pouting. “I wanna touch you though.” She kisses the palm of Dinah’s hand, before looking at her seriously, her eyebrows knitting together in a frown. “So long as you want me to, I mean.” She drops her hands from Dinah entirely, back tensing as her mind races. “I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t care if you want to stop.” 

Dinah laughs and leans down to place Helena’s hands back on her waist with a grin. “You can touch me, I just mean that I don’t think we should have sex right now.” 

“Oh.” Helena honestly doesn’t think she’s been this lightheaded in her whole life, her mouth dry, her head spinning as she tries to get a grip on the situation, she turns to look away, suddenly shy under the weight of Dinah’s gaze. “I haven’t done that before.” 

Dinah nods patiently. “I guessed you might not, it’s ok.” She cups Helena’s chin in her hand turning her head so they can look each other in the eye once more. “That’s why I’m checking.” 

Helena can’t help but go a little shy, cheeks pink, breathlessly smiling up at Dinah. “I think that might be too many new things.”

Dinah grins back at her, twirling a lock of dark hair around her fingers affectionately. “Honestly I think I’d rather not be this high for our first time anyway.” 

“First?” Helena questions, the idea dizzying her almost as much as the kissing had. 

Dinah shrugs and even Helena can tell she’s trying too hard not to care, she can feel it in the way her body tenses under her fingers, see the dimming of the sparkle in those dark eyes and Helena worries she’s upset her. “If you’re lucky.” 

Helena recognises the bravado in the way Dinah puffs up her chest, she wraps her arms around her tighter and leans back so that they both fall fully back down onto the bed, Dinah squeals and straddles Helena’s hips, bodies still held close. “I hope I am.” 

Dinah kisses her, soft and sure, both hands cradling her face. “You are something else.” She sighs, almost wistfully, leaning down to nuzzle into Helena’s shoulder. 

Helena chooses not to question the comment, just holds Dinah closer, lets her fingers run soothing patterns over Dinah’s back unthinkingly. Her body feels heavy, and the weight of Dinah on top of her is so soothing that Helena cannot help that her eyes start to close, the exhaustion of the day and the wine and the weed over taking her even as she wills herself to stay awake. 

As sleep takes over, all Helena can think, as she takes a deep breath of Dinah’s perfume and feels the softness of her skin beneath her fingers, is that she must already be pretty fucking lucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut here I'm afraid but they just started talking about deep shit and like, no way is Dinah going to take Helena's virginity when she's high and emotional lool  
> But also I wanted to get into it properly when I have more time and less deadlines and I can give them a bit more romance haha 
> 
> thank you for all the lovely comments, please lemme know what u thought of this one, these guys are really fun to write for so I hope u enjoyed xxx luv u xxx

**Author's Note:**

> couldn't resist writing for these two! Helena is the anxious gay badass I've been waiting for and I simply couldn't wait to get her high lol   
> Also chapter two coming soon, dunno whether to make it smutty or soft or both, lemme know ur preference in the comments along with whether you liked it. Helps me writing new stuff. 
> 
> Thank u for reading xxxx luv u


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